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Archive-name: Samesex/advmemad.txt
Archive-title: Adventures In Memory Adjustment
When I met Jon he was just past chubby, melted down into a lithe boy who
was starting to show signs of man. He was a young man the way a colt is
part gangly animal and part magical apparition. He wore his awkwardness
like a beetle wears its shell, to cover up the soft inside.
He was my high school friend. He sometimes flirted with me, just to
practice. I watched him hesitating on the cusp of growing up. If he had
been more self-assured I would have been smitten, and if I had been any
more self-assured I'd have taken him -- easy, the way his hormones were
trembling and threatening to spill over, like water from a glass. But I
was not the one he chose for his first affair.
Mr. White had just been hired to teach at the high school.
He was on
a three-year contract, and that was all the longer he would stay, because
teachers like him are never hired back. He must have interviewed in his
one
regular suit -- he'd never have gotten the job dressed the way he usually
did, in old, old clothes, antique three-piece suits and wire-rimmed
glasses
and a watch and chain. He was hired to teach drama, of course -- that's
probably why they let him slip by -- and English. He *looked* English,
actually, like a headmaster at a shabby third cousin of Eton. He had
bright,
lavishly-lashed eyes and a moustache that curled. No one in our remote
little town had never seen anything like him. He was like a time traveler
who had taken a very wrong stop. He could not have been expected to have
anything in common with a bunch of ranchers' sons and daughters.
Nevertheless
a few of us had determined that we were not going to be hicks. We were
over
him like flies on honey.
Jon was skittish around Mr. White from the start, manic even. For
about a week he joined the other boys, raving about what a fruit and a
faggot the new teacher was. But by the end of the second week of school he
had arranged to join three extracurricular clubs -- the Thespians, the
school
paper, and a modern novel study group -- so he could be near him.
On any given day Jon could be found before class, after class, and
often at lunch in Mr. White's room. I knew that because I was in the habit
of dropping by at those times myself. Of all the students who clustered
around the new teacher, I was the closest to understanding just why he
seemed so odd. He was so completely different from any other man I'd ever
known, in his eccentricity so sweet and strange, that of course I began
cruising him almost right away. I was just learning that having sex with
a person could teach me things about them and about myself, and I was sure
Mr. White was a wealth of things I wanted to know.
But he made no response to my attempts to interest him. Not a
negative response -- just *none*. He didn't even seem to notice. He
took flirtation as another indication of friendliness, and was friendly
in return. I didn't feel rejected, exactly, because it dawned on me that
Mr. White would never want me the way he wanted Jon.
I watched Jon become a golden boy as the teacher gentled him like
a wild thing. He went from edgy and defensive to a secure position as
Mr. White's sidekick. He starred in the plays; he was ace reporter; he
grew handsomer and more confident as he was courted.
Our town was so small and so remote no one saw it for what it was,
not eve, at first, Jon himself. Everybody thought they knew what a faggot
was -- it was practically synonymous with "stranger" -- but after they got
to know Mt. White he turned out not to fit the ideas they had, the faggot
baiting ceased and was forgotten. Only I knew that a careful dance was
being done between Jon and Mr. White -- I knew it because I had wanted to
do that dance myself. I was their witness first in secret, and later I was
the only one either of them trusted to talk about the other. So in the end
I danced with them, a sometimes-awkward third, as Jon grew more golden and
Mr. White grew hungry for him.
It was late in our senior year. One night after a play rehearsal
ended early we got in Mr. White's old round Volvo and drove to his house.
Neither Jon nor I were expected home for a couple of hours, and it was
not the first time the three of us had stolen time so we could hang out
together away from school. Mr. White had no friends in town expect those
few pet students who weren't put off by his eccentricity, and Jon and I
liked
to escape our student roles and pretend we were grownups who could spend
our time as we liked. Besides, befriending Mr. White had made us feel less
like we belonged in our community, and all year long we'd spent as much
time
with him as we could -- a support system had formed between the three of
us
to the exclusion of everyone else.
There was a massage table set up in the living room, although I was
sure it was hardly ever used. As far as I knew Mr. White rarely had guests
of any kind. But when Jon saw it he insisted that he wanted a massage;
he'd
never had a real one, he wanted to try it.
"I can't do it through clothes," Mr. White said, and I really think he
was trying to put Jon off. But Jon replied, "I'll take them off, then,"
and
began shucking his t-shirt. For a split second the man looked panicked,
but
when he glanced over at me, for help or permission, I held out a joint I
had
fished from my bag. I had a feeling I was supposed to be there for this,
that maybe Jon wouldn't have been so forward it he and the teacher had
been
alone. "Go ahead, I'm occupied," I said, pulling a couple of Mr. White's
art books off the shelf, opening 'The Collected Aubrey Beardsley.' I
didn't
look at it, though. I watched Jon's body emerge, watches the golden hairs
on his arms and legs catch the low lamplight. And I watched Mr. White's
eyes
follow his movements; Jon was turned away so he couldn't see how both of
us
lapped up his beauty as he revealed it. He was slender, just beginning to
muscle, and his skin looked so soft that I wondered how Mr. White would be
able to touch it. My panties felt slick. I squeezed my legs together and
watched as Jon got on the table. All nonchalance, he lay back with his
head on his hands like a boy in an Eakins painting, like it was a century
ago and he'd just crawled out of the swimming hole to lie in the sun, his
cock lolling on his thigh, but I saw him trying to control his too-fast
breath, I saw he had put his hands behind his head to hide their shaking.
"I feel funny being the only one naked," he said, and he wasn't
addressing this to me. Mr. White's eyes went wide, he pretended not to
hear
as he hunted in a heavy old cabinet for massage oil, but Jon insisted:
"Take
your clothes off too. I feel silly like this."
I tried to disappear into the cushions. I was afraid Mr. White
wouldn't do anything with me there; I wanted to watch his hands caressing
Jon, and I wanted to see *him* naked, too. More, I wanted something to
happen
to give Mr. White pleasure -- I thought about how lonely he must be, his
bed
as empty as his massage table. He desires Jon, and I wanted him to have
him.
I hid behind the big volume of Beardsley, lowering my eyes in intent study
of the fey young dandies sprouting huge cocks, and watched my two friends
through my lowered lashes.
For twenty years I have marveled at Mr. White's courage in the face
of the fear he must have felt: stripping his clothes off in front of a
woman (I don't think he ever had), exposing his body so like the naked
androgens in the Maxfield Parrish prints that decorated his walls, and
reaching to touch a boy who, by the laws of the state was only just barely
old enough. That night I marveled at the way he looked, even naked, like
he had landed in the wrong time, and how looking at them filled me, choked
me with lust, and the excitement summered in my without boiling, for I
was only there to witness. The man warmed a pool of oil in his fine,
slender
hands and touched the boy, just lightly. "Here, turn over," he said.
Jon lay on his stomach on the table, head turned toward me, eyes
half closed. Mr. White held his shoulders for an instant and Jon sighed,
giving up a bit of his fright to the warmth of the man's hands on his
skin.
Then Mr. White began sweeping strokes down Jon's body and I realized I
didn't
have to pretend not to be there, not to see: my presence had not prevented
their touching, it wouldn't stop now that it had begun. I let the book
fall and watched openly, watched Mr. White's cock rise, growing with each
stroke as if hands were stroking it to fullness. I watched him grow
mesmerized, his hands on the young body he had wanted for so long. I
learned
how to watch that night, for I could feel the strokes of his oiled hands
on me as I watched as if they were on my own flesh, and I could feel Jon's
tender boy-skin under my hands as if I were the one touching him. I stayed
curled in the corner of the sofa, wanting to be just there, one hands on
my
pussy squeezing tight and the other holding my breast, realizing I could
make love with both of them just with my eyes.
Mr. White was making love with his hands, and Jon was moving his
body subtly into them, responding to the touch in a way I knew was sexual
--
it was the way I moved when someone touched me. He let out an occasional
little sound, and his breath was even now, but beginning to quicken again,
not in fear this time. No one has ever touched him like this before, I
thought, and another jolt of arousal coursed through me, thinking that Jon
was a virgin. The man was exploring him, every inch of skin oiled now and
gleaming in the light, every muscled traced and kneaded, every curve of
his
body voluptuously stroked. Each time he stroked up Jon's thighs and over
the
muscles of his ass Mr. White brought his hands closer together, testing
the
boy's response as he came neared the cleft of his ass cheeks. I could feel
my
cunt frankly wet through my panties now, and Jon squirmed in an
encouraging
way each time the hands neared, raising his ass for more pressure. Mr.
White
responded by stroking harder, pulling the cheeks apart each time; I
couldn't
see the puckered anal ring from where I was sitting, but I felt sure that
if I could, I would come. I wondered if Jon had never had anything in his
ass --- when I masturbated I sometimes slid a finger into mine, or fucked
myself with a candle, and I thought about him sliding a slick wax taper
up his ass in the secrecy of his room, getting used to the feeling and
pumping
it in and out, and I thought of him fucking himself in the ass and
thinking
of Mr. White's long, slim cock sliding up into his soft hotness there --
and I did come.
I didn't make much noise, but enough for them to hear me. Jon let out
a real moan then, and I saw that he had begun to thrust, stroking his cock
against the table. Mr. White stopped him with the pressure of a hand.
"Turn
back over now, Jon," he said, in a voice I had never heard him use, low
and
sexual and almost enough to make me come a second time.
Jon's cock was hugely hard, an incongruous man's cock jutting up from
his boy's body, and seeing it I wanted to climb onto the table and lower
myself down on it, take him, be the first, almost as much I wanted to
watch.
I could scarcely believe Mr. White had the self-control not to reach
right for it, but he teased Jon -- or maybe he was intent on giving him a
good massage in spite of himself. He stroked up and down the boy's body,
missing the cock each time, but attentive instead to nipples and belly,
until
Jon started to buck again with desire. A beaded strand of pre-come gleamed
in his downy belly-hair like a spider's dewed web, and I wanted to lick
it off, but thought if I waited maybe I'd get to watch Mr. White do it.
During the next near-brush with his cock Jon lifted his hand, and for
a moment I thought he was going to touch himself in frustration. But he
reached for Mr. White and took the man's cock, which leaped and strained
at his first tentative touch, and began to stroke it. Mr. White gasped,
then said, "Jon..." Jon tugged on Mr. White's cock, pulling the man
closer. "Your mouth -- please..." Jon said. "Your mouth, I want it...
I want to feel it..."
Mr. White moved closer, all semblance of massage gone with the boy's
request, and stroked Jon's cock a few times, taking its measure, getting
the full feel of it in his hands. Then he bent to run his tongue up and
down his length -- Jon started gasping immediately -- and then sucked the
head into his mouth. I thought Jon would come right away, but the man knew
what he was doing. He remained still until the boy's orgasm ebbed, and
then began sucking his cock in earnest, pulling it all the way down his
throat, drawing back to just tongue the tip, keeping the rhythm just
uneven
enough that Jon could keep from coming. He held the boy's calls clasped
in one hand and squeezed them -- whenever he squeezed them harder I
heard Jon gasp.
I had pulled my panties aside and had three fingers deep in my cunt.
I was dreaming about kneeling next to Mr. White and taking his cock deep
down my throat, maybe wetting a finger and sliding it up his ass, but I
was
afraid. I was sure he had had his cock sucked by plenty of men. I hadn't
done it very much, and I didn't want to do it badly in comparison. I
contented myself with watching him, trying to figure out what exactly he
was
doing to Jon. Whatever it was, he was responding like it was an angel
whose
lips were wrapped around his dick, not just his teacher's.
Jon had begun to murmur: "I want it, I want it..." rhythmically,
entranced. He was twisting his torso, trying to reach Mr. White's cock
with his mouth, trying to suck him in return. Mr. White finally knelt over
him on the table, obliging him, and Jon went for his cock with the hunger
of an overripe virgin. He held the man by the waist and tried to bring him
down closer, tried to get more of hic cock, and Mr. White swallowed all of
Jon's cock and, with a moan, began thrusting into Jon's mouth. Jon took
it,
moaning too. His oiled body still gleamed in the lamplight, golden, and he
fucked up into his teacher's throat.
I had been coming for five minutes by the time they finally came, Jon
shooting with a last hard thrust and what would have been a yell if his
mouth
hadn't been so full, and Mr. White with a long groan, in immediate
response.
The boy took the man's come like he'd sucked cock before, but I don't
think
he ever had. He lay whimpering a little after his blast, suckling at the
man's softening cock and breathing hard. After a while Mr. White turned
around and held him, and Jon buried his head in his neck and hugged him
close -- once again I saw the young boy in him, and wondered what would
happen now that that boy was playing tug-o-war with man.
Mr. White came to me and kissed me, once, lingeringly, before he
took Jon to the shower to scrub off the oil, letting me have the scent of
the boy's sweet cum. I rose and went to the empty massage table, running
my
fingertips on the warm oily surface. At my feet the Beardsley book lay
open, a black-haired young fop sprouting an enormous erection, fondled by
a man much older than he.
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